in case you never noticed

if you dont already know

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 10:56:29 GMT

ive switched accounts
find me at: you_are_tragic

new journal

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 21:41:27 GMT

http://you-are-tragic.livejournal.com/

i knew too much

Fri, 20 Oct 2006 06:01:06 GMT

suprisingly i feel like my life has done a complete 180. even though there are certain areas that could definetly be improved, im pretty content with how things are. i believe i just needed to get things straightened out with gavin, there was so much drama and confusion betweent the two of us that it was really hard to handle that and everything else that was going on. (and no we are no longer trying to 'work things out.' weve decided it would be best for the bost of us to just remain friends.)

i went to the beach today and got a pretty good sunburn. hopefully ill get some sort of tan out of it.

oh and anyone else feel their best when they are in their love interests borrowed clothes? for some reason i always feel sexy as hell in a pair of baksetball shorts and wife beater borrowed from the boy. oh well. :)

oh and...

piccccccccctures

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 18:31:53 GMT

because, i can and im bored. i also wanted to make myself feel better with a more upbeat entry.

well first we all should know that when i get depressed i go shopping for underwear with money that i really shouldnt spend. and since im now single-ish i can spread shitty slutty pictures of myself on here, so heres to good times.

and look im getting an ass, how exciting!

anyways, ive gotten into two slight car accidents in the past month. first one being that i hydroplanned and hit a curb and second one is some bitch u-turned and hit me. both sucked incredibly bad but my car is such a trooper. id post pictures of the damage but im too lazy to dig through my recycle bin.

also i need friends. i need to keep my mind off of boys and how crazy they actually do drive me. i want to go to like a lesbian party or something, and meet some girls and become a lesbian too. much fun.

this is the way it is.

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 18:22:26 GMT

my life felt like it was coming together for about 6-7 hrs and then it fell apart all over again.

im fuckin miserable now, its been a while since ive felt like this.

one moment please.

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 07:02:39 GMT

ive been very tired lately and im not exactly sure why. i always get 8-9 hours of sleep and i do nothing before work and when at work i do nothing as well so its not like im being active or something. most likely because, of the lack of food that i eat but when i do eat its nothing but fast food or plain old junk. i should start eating breakfast but i dont start to get hungry until 5-6 hours into the day. speaking of work i get a 15 cent raise at the end of the week. hooray. $6.75 an hour, i rock. im not going to bad mouth it though, i get paid for what i do and seeing that i really do nothing besides waste paper drawing and watch elf 3 times a day i really cannot complain.
im sorry that this post is nothing more than about eating habbits and work but its really what i do every day. sleep, eat, work, sleep, eat, work.
im dreading going to school. i havent been to real school, in a classroom, for almost three years now and i am freaked out a bit. im worried about how i will do if theres not someone there watching over me and having that one-on-one attention that i was given.
im really tired but i wanted to watch "everything is illuminated" in which it is finishing up right now. i need to go back a chapter since i missed it from writing this but overall it was a decent movie. elijah wood is doing some weird stuff, he still is cute little hobbit man to me though.
sleep, eat and then work tomorrow.

insomia.

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 07:36:57 GMT

alot is on my mind.

to be yourself

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 16:41:15 GMT

yes, ive sucked at being around. i wasnt at my house and i kind of just forgot about the computer in general. i bought a camera with my last paycheck, ill post pictures eventually. its nice to have it around again, its just gah, i love it. anyways, i need buy a memory card because the one that shipped with it is shit and im debating on buying a tripod. i should and i probably will.
the one night i saw my mom last week we got into a fight and i told her i was moving out soon and blah blah blah. the following day im driving home from work with my dad and emma (yes, im an illegal driver) and he starts asking me if i really plan to move out and how my mom was up all night crying. yes, people crying is my weakness and come on it was my mother so of course i was like "eh i dont know." so when i got home i apoligized to my mom and kind of told her i wasnt planning on moving out when in fact i plan to quite soon. yes, i suck at life but gah i love my mom. she'll get over it i suppose.
anyways i have to go to work at 4 in which today ill be recieving my second paycheck.

is there something i should have done

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 13:02:08 GMT

today is my first day of work/training. i guess i have 2 weeks at the englewood store and then they are transfering me to venice since ive been told everyone there basically sucks. im going to stay with this until school starts i suppose, otherwise i dont really mind the 45 minute bus ride there and the hour ride back. not like i have anything else better to do with my time. anyways, i tried to register my car yesterday and of course i couldnt because, my dad wasnt there and he is the co-owner of it. i guess ill go back again when i dont have to be in at 10am. yesterday was a pretty horrible day, im not going to go into details but it had to do with what i just talked about. well gavin should be here shortly, were going to get some coffee since i didnt fall asleep until about 4am last night.

while the cancer ate away at your organs

Sun, 18 Jun 2006 21:29:38 GMT

so i am now an employee at the ~~local~~ venice movie gallery?

with faith and love

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 09:13:23 GMT

its 5:03 am and im watching the lion king. i have some things to ramble about as usual. first of all, i need to get my car shit figured out. i want to drrrrrrive. i need a new camera in which i have no money but once i get a job im going to save up a bit of cash and splurge a tad. speaking of job, i think im going to apply at movie gallery. its the logical choice since my parents did own a video store and i have experience from there. plus its easy.
anyways, my cousin justin found me on myspace. our families used to be close when we were younger but then suddenly his mother went crazy and totally disconnected herself to my fathers whole side of the family. i havent seem them nor heard from them since we moved down here in 4th grade. my mom said she just finally gave up and stop sending cards and letters a few years ago. its very weird to talk to him but i sent him a simple message saying that i was hoping he was doing well and he wrote back but i have no idea what to write in return. from the way his myspace looks we have absolutley nothing in common. oh well, ill think of something eventually.
my sister, sarah, should be finding out the sex of her next baby sometime soon. im really excited for a baby to be around, it really makes life seem alot better. i love being an aunt as well, its so much fun even though kids can get annoying. its just incredible to watch them grow up. four more months though until she/he is here!
well thats all for now.

have a look inside

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 11:38:48 GMT

once you have something so fucking amazing dont ever do anything to fuck with that.

i need to stop playing games.

this explains these times

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 11:23:55 GMT

can you pretend im amazing
i can pretend im amazing
instead of what we both know
i cut to the punch line baby
can you pretend im amazing
instead of what we both know

now our history is for sale
and for that i apologize

you got to hurry up and make your move

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 11:09:49 GMT

if you cant have what you like,
like what you have?

i take this way too litterally.

its time for us to take a chance

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 19:28:58 GMT

nothing has been happening lately which is why i never update. to begin with i bought a car and thats new and exciting i suppose for me. i cant drive it but i should be able to pretty soon. i still need to register it which im planning will cost about $150. i need to go to the bank to cash two checks so i can have more money because, im pretty poor right now. besides from that theres nothing new. i got a grant for school which i need more of so lets see how that goes. nothing new besides that. oh, i had to take my cartilage piercing out because, it was acting very weird and i finally got sick of it not healing fully after six months. my lip ring is doing good though, thank god. i need to find also a tattoo shop that does custom work because, i have an idea in my head that ive been sketching out for a few weeks but i need someone who can fix it and make it actually look nice. okay, im done for now. bye.

another time to be amazed

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 00:37:54 GMT

ive been doing quite a bit recently. ive filled out and submitted my financial aid form and filled out my mcc applicated. im also on my way to finishing all of my online classes besides a few phone calls and two final exams. i also am on my way to sending in my very broken camera to be fixed and looking into a new one.

i dig up the thought of how your eyes glow

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 09:39:46 GMT

as of now im very intimidated.
pretty girls suck
and make me feel insecure about everything
including but not limited to;
us.
i feel like i need to make my mark,
yet i dont have four legs and it wouldnt be too ethical
or accepted for me to pee on you.

ps. one of my new favorite artists is fafi

asylum

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 07:35:40 GMT

ive wrote down a to do list recently, so far its still in the works but it gives me an idea as to what i need to get done in the next few months.

now- fill out fafsa for 2006-2007/apply at manatee
april 8- alyssas wedding
april 22- be finished with flvs
may 6th- ACT
may 10- schools out; apply for jobs
may 19- graduate
june- get a car/move out

yeah its long but thats what i get for procrasinating.

no reason to remember, so easy to forget

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 06:20:52 GMT

"you should go now that i know
that i will be okay alone."

love is a fast song.

Fri, 24 Mar 2006 21:28:36 GMT

being "single" is hitting me hard. its been, i dont know, maybe two weeks now. its hard to get over gavin when were still hanging out almost everyday, having sex and just pretending to be happy together. its so hard to get out of this routine when weve been in it so long. i really need it to be done.
i feel like shutting myself out to the people around me and just being a complete hermit. i want to buy a new camera and go out and take pictures of everything and everyone. as of now i dont know what im doing with my life. im tempted to say "screw it" to what i had planned, find a shit hole apartment in orlando and go to the paul mitchell school. as of now i think id be alot happier in that situation.

blah.

turn the lights off

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 16:11:40 GMT

i want to move. anyone willing?

i called you mine

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 11:19:20 GMT

honestly, i am miserable. i want something beautiful. i feel like ive been set up for disappointment. fuck movies and their false views of life and love. its made me want something more and i was hoping you could give that to me. i dont think i should spend a majority of our relationship debating us. why is it that things are great when we are on our "breaks" and its all happy go lucky but once we get back into it we get back into the swing of things? there i go again wondering if i should stay or not and there goes your promises of being something more. i told you everything i didnt like about you tonight and that hurt to do, for once i hated myself for being honest with you. i told you i hated you and that i wanted to punch you and you egged me on but i could never do it. you make me completly fustrated, you bring out the worst in me. tonight i saw you cry and show a bit of emotion for the first time in a year. you made me cry so much that once again i had a constant stream of snot running out of my nose and my eyes were sore. i hate crying over you. i want to cry over something meaningful. youve promised me numerous times that you will change. so yes youve stopped throwing shit but what else has changed? youre still at the job you hate and said that youve wanted to quit for the second season now. you hardly take anyones feelings into consideration but your own but then again youre afraid quitting your job will hurt your bosses feelings. but dont worry not to take mine, your mothers or anyone elses feelings to heart, it wont hurt us, since we are heartless. it would mean alot more to me to get some honest feelings out of you then a night out of town. something raw from you. i honestly dont need materialistic things from you. there are guys who tell me how lucky you are to be with me and what they would do to be in your shoes. i thought i didnt appreciate you but now i see you dont appreciate me. i felt like i didnt deserve you and now i feel like you dont deserve me. i looked back on matt and i's things and missed that kind of relationship. i want something more and i dont think you can give it to me. i feel like youve had your chance but please make me want to stay here.

here i am

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 13:37:00 GMT

curling is by far the most incredible
olympic event ever.

for you lovely

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 13:10:42 GMT

i was looking for the card that gavin
gave me last year for valentines day
when i came across a box of things
that i kept from matt and i's relationship.
being the girl i am i went through it
and layed it out on my bed.
i read every card, skipped over the letters,
laughed at all the money we spent at
pelican petes trying to win the dump truck game.

& then i cried.

i missed him for a few minutes,
hes been back home for months.

im not sure why i cried though.

i am happy, i really am
but i guess its the whole
"he was my first true love"
thing got to me.
i thought about throwing
everything away but i just couldnt.
its going to stay in the blue box
in my closet for god knows how long.
i still have that photoalbum filled with
our photographs tucked away somewhere.

it reminded me of this present i made for him
and it didnt seem like he really cared for it
and it broke my heart that i spent hours
upon hours slaving over it just to have
it go unappreciated.

ive noticed im more cautious this time around
and i know that im holding back.

i was the one to break up with him
but my heart was broken too.

happy valentines day.

the hook brings you back.

Sat, 11 Feb 2006 07:03:23 GMT

i haaaaaaaatttttte drama.
get away from me i dont want to be involved.
its not my fault you told me you liked me
and then your girl found out and now
things are fucked up for you and her.

fuckin' disrespectful.

god.

i feel better.